Why You Should NEVER Pick Up Women At The Gym
You are going to learn in this article why you never (and I mean NEVER) pick up women at the gym.
So you are probably asking yourself several questions, like wait a second, are you serious?
I am very serious and passionate about why men have to stop seeking a relationship in the gym with women.
You’ll find that when you let go of outcome, that’s when relationships are actually formed.
In fact, because of my background in personal training and group instructing, I know how to build relationships.
However, what I’m about to tell you is completely counterintuitive, so be prepared to be surprised.
It Positions You As Lower Status
If you’ve read my blog, then you know how being higher status is very important to getting a woman attracted to you.
There’s a lot to be said about being higher status, but that’s not the purpose of this article.
The most important point here is you don’t want to look thirsty.
That is hands down the biggest mistake all men make when getting in to pick-up.
You study all this material, then when it’s time to take action, you end up freezing because you’re anxious.
Listen man, I couldn’t tell you how many times this has happened to me.
So I relate, however, it was when I discovered the all important concept of carefreeness that my game leveled up in ways I never though possible.
You’re Trying Too Hard
Does this sound familiar? You meet a woman, you two talk, then you ask for her number, and she doesn’t text you back. There are a myriad of reasons, but let’s go with the scenario that you’re at the gym.
You meet a woman named Ashley, and it looks like she’s interested. Then you never get a text. It’s because the interaction you had with her was shit, to be blunt.
I had many interactions myself where the conversation didn’t go anywhere. And that’s one of the biggest pitfalls where you feel defeated. How do I know? Because I’ve been in your shoes.
Stop trying so fucking hard to get phone numbers. Take that to the bank. You only become desirable when you stop caring as I just said. Give less fucks man.
Masculine energy is internally validated. Feminine energy is externally validated. Everyone has both energies inside them. You want to have 80% masculine energy and 20% feminine energy. Women are supposed to have 80% feminine energy.
Understand that this is a sticky subject, so I want to make this as simplified as possible, when you try too hard to impress women, you are in your feminine energy because you’re externally validated.
The Gym is Designed For YOU To Work Out
I have an honest question to ask you, what are your intentions of going to the gym if you are there just to stare at other women and not approach them?
It’s better that you approach them to ask if they are using a machine that you want to use. It puts you in the masculine role. However, it’s when you have weird intentions where you come across as a creep.
If you’ve ever researched pick-up, you should know that you communicate clarity of intent. That means, you state your intentions right away.
And that’s the most important point behind this entire article, I genuinely don’t understand why guys think the gym is a place for communications, its only if I’m running a class where it matters.
That is because you have to motivate your classmates. Fitness instructors, you know what I’m talking about. This is very important, most people doubt themselves, you have to MOTIVATE them.
When I’m done training and I’m working out, I don’t want to talk to people. I’m there to WORK OUT.
The funny thing I realized is the higher status you are in the gym, the more people will let you workout on the machine they are using.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked up and just asked to use a machine that a hot girl is using and she quickly said, “sure no problem.”
In pick-up, this is called an indirect approach. A direct approach is when you state your intentions.
So I want to ask you one more time, what are your intentions when you arrive to the gym?
Women want you to be direct with them. When you’re not, it looks like you have ulterior motives.
The Direct Approach Vs. Indirect Approach
I’ll tell you a quick story on how I approached the hottest woman I saw in the gym when she was using the smith machine in which there was a bench nearby.
I walked up to her and waved my hand (this is how to approach women with headphones on) and she took them off very fast and said, “What?”
I could tell immediately she was in her zone (which is another reason you should not pick up women in the gym that I’ll get to in a second.)
You see the reason why she was put-off by me asking is because she was waiting for her next set.
That is the best time to talk to someone at the gym, make sure they aren’t doing any exercise but waiting for their next set.
That is a story of an indirect approach. So now I want to tell you about the direct approach.
It’s when you walk up to her and say, “hey I noticed you working out over here, and I’m not going to lie, I’m a little nervous to be honest, but I wanted to introduce myself, my name is x,y,z, what’s your name?”
Now I have done both, I found that this opener works best in the gym. Why? Because you are softening the tension that she feels because she is nervous too man!
And because of the fact that you eat the elephant in the room, it shows you are courageous. You take action in spite of fear, because you’re a fucking legend man!
Your Mindset Is Communicated More Than Your Personality
I really want to say that again, because you must get this or communicating with women is going to be hard.
Your mentality is communicated BEFORE you get to know someone and they get to know your personality.
I remember when I met my classmates for the first time. They said to me, “Adam you came off as a hard-ass.”
Why that happened is because the way I train is HARD. And it was off-putting to them.
As I talked to them more, and they attended my classes consistently, I communicated my personality.
So I want to let you know that even if you’re not a fitness instructor, and you approach a woman, she rejects you, like how I came across to my classmates, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.
She rejected your approach, she didn’t reject you as a person. Women pick up on your mentality when you meet them. They pick-up on your MINDSET in your initial approach.
That means when you are rejected, it’s nothing more than social pressure. Don’t take it personal. Learn from it.
There is also something to be said about body language, but honestly, don’t overthink this.
Positive inner talk is what you want, negative inner talk women pick up on more than what you think.
I’d rather have you talk kinder to yourself because then your body language will be on-point!
Be in a good state of mind, don’t be in a bad state of mind.
A good, positive state translates in to demonstrating higher value.
Your Reputation Can Blow Up In Your Face
This can be the single most important reason why picking up women at the gym is a terrible idea.
If you want to talk to women at the gym, great, I’m proud of you.
But when you ask for numbers from EVERY SINGLE WOMAN, they are going to talk.
That means when you aren’t around, they will most definitely talk on the side and say, “This guy asks for phone numbers, so don’t talk to him.”
So you are in a position where you not only look lower status and try-hard, but your reputation goes down the drain.
Honestly, I know this is a controversial topic, but you have to think on how you can be in the power position.
How do you get in to the power position? You guard your reputation with your life. Do you really want to be in that position where you look thirsty?
Think before you act brother. Always be mindful of how you act around women.
“Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen.” Greene, R., & Elffers, J. (2000). The 48 laws of power *
Women Get Pissed Off When You Interrupt Mid-Set
This is a huge pick-up don’t. You never want to interrupt a woman when she is in the zone.
All people hate it when they are interrupted, especially when they are lifting weights.
You can risk an injury happening if a woman is squatting very heavy weight and you approach them.
So that goes without saying, the gym is for WORKING OUT!
I have no idea why I even have to say it, but I know for a fact that some guys think it’s okay to do it.
As a personal trainer, I would walk up to a dude who is trying to interfere with a set, and tell them point blank, “Bro wait till she’s done. I don’t care if you want to use the smith machine, wait for her to finish her set.”
In fact, I have said this to men that are clearly inconsiderate.
You my dude, have to be cognizant of other people working out, particularly women.
When you’re not, you are not only behaving in a lower status way, you are pissing away attraction.
You want to build attraction, and interrupting them is not how to build attraction.
How To Successfully Open a Woman Is To Be Direct With Them
As you already know now, there are two different types of approaches, direct and indirect.
So now that we’ve covered why you should not look lower status, try-hard, and interrupt her set, it’s time to talk about the right approach.
This is where I tell you that the best way to open a woman is to wave your hand in her line of vision and tell her the truth, say you’re nervous.
I can’t tell you how many times this has worked in my favor, to women, it’s charming and confident when you eat the elephant in the room.
The only time I’m indirect is when I’m in the middle of my workout, and all I want to know is if they are using a machine that I want to use.
When I’m direct, its generally after I workout.
By the way, if you’re ever wondering how I get in state to approach, this is how I do it!
I will workout and then afterwards, I’ll approach as many people as possible.
But here is the clear difference, I make sure they are NOT doing any big lifts.
I’d rather approach a woman on the stair stepper then interrupt them during their squat or deadlift set.
Why? Because when you lift big, you should NEVER be distracted as it’s prone to causing MAJOR injury!!
Preselection is How To Build Massive Attraction
This is the last and most important point to actually getting a woman’s attention in the gym.
I really saved the best for last, because if you pull this off correctly, you can get a phone number.
I want you to bring female friends with you to the gym. You have no idea how powerful this is!
Women look at the men with other women in their lives, again, this translates in to demonstrating higher value.
I’m telling you through experience, I’ve had women literally stare at me when I trained my girlfriend at Planet Fitness.
However, you don’t want to give a woman fitness advice unless she asks for it.
The only reason this worked for me is because she wanted to be trained by me, it was a win-win.
So let’s say for example you bring a female friend with you.
You should work out with her but focus on your own routine.
This does a number of things. Firstly, women will look at you.
Secondly, a preselection nuke will take place and your value goes up tenfold!
A preselection nuke is when women talk to more women around you when they see you with your female friend.
Never heard of a preselection nuke? Think of it like this, any girl in the radius around you saw you talking to your female friend, so if other women are with their friends, what it looks like to them is your friend is interested in you.
Get it? Good. If you can cause preselection nukes, damn bro, I will personally give you a free fitness consultation. You’re a fucking legend.
That is how you want to talk to women at the gym. Why? Because when you try to pick up women on your own, you look fucking weird. Don’t do that.
But when you come with friends, women largely gauge a man’s value on if other women get a long well with you.
The biggest takeaway I want you to understand is you should never really go to the gym with ulterior motives and try to take as many numbers as possible.
Women will absolutely want nothing to do with you if you do that. Picking up women should not be your goal.
Your goal should be on your fitness goals and how you can crush them! How can you crush your fitness goals if you went to the gym with a difference of intentions?
You’ll end up getting distracted. That means you will put too much focus on approaching women, then you don’t achieve your fitness goals.
As you’ve heard me say this before, I’ll say this again, keep your eyes on your fitness goals. In fact, if you come to the gym with a female friend, and you focus on your goals, you come off as higher status.
Why? Because you are not there for giving your friend attention. She ends up wanting your attention as a result!
Letting go of an outcome is when women actually see you don’t need them to feel full. That is how you form relationships at the gym.
It’s called not giving a fuck of other people’s opinions of you. That’s how you get women in the gym.
So the next time you go to the gym and bring the best pre-workout on the market, as certified PFT, I strongly urge you stay on your purpose and make sure you blast through personal records on bench press, lat pull downs, squats, deadlifts, or weighted-dips, for example.
That is to say, whatever muscle group you’re working, push yourself to achieve your goals. So go after your goals man, you deserve to achieve them!!
Women want to see that you are on a mission to achieve your goals, it turns them on.
But when you throw all that aside and you try too hard to please them, she can’t trust you.
That means you want to go achieve your fitness goals.
I coach men like you on Zoom, so contact me here.