What Getting Friend Zoned Taught Me
This article is a general friend zone guide with twenty one tactical tips to stay out for good!!!
Have you ever been in the friend zone?
I have and I am going to tell you a story that happened years ago and what inspired me to write this article for you.
It was 2009, I was in high school, and shortly after a homecoming dance, I told her how I felt about her..
We had a phone call in which she told me “I don’t feel that way about you.”
This is before I learned pick-up and I was very young about 16 years old
Till this day, I never forgot what happened. I remember going through depression shortly after the phone call.
Through 4 years of more failures and embarrassment, I decided on a whim to study pick-up and realized this is a skill set.
Massive learning lesson is that women will test your masculinity regularly at 19 years old.
How did I find that out at such a young age? Because it happened to me my friend.
I went through a lot of failures, but then I started seeing success around age 20.
I remember going on endless dates, having sex, and it just seemed like no one met my standards.
Why am I telling you this?
It was because I addressed that incident in high school that I was able to move forward.
And that includes many more incidences.
I was able to learn the rules of how attraction works through wins and failures by going through in-field experience.
I went through all of this to tell you I overcame it and what I’m about to share with you is how I developed my backbone and assertiveness.
A few more notes before I continue:
For the love of god, you MUST ignore the dark places of the PUA advice community. They are so fucking unrealistic with their marketing that say…
“SAY THESE FIVE WORDS AND SHE WILL NEVER SEE YOU AS A FRIEND AGAIN.”
Bullshit. I researched that years ago, and it put me in a bad mindset. The majority of these people have a taker mentality. It’s a common unattractive habit of men that don’t know what the fuck they are doing.
Also this is my last note, you will not find reasons you’re in the friend zone, read this article here to find that out.
This is more about getting out and staying out with twenty one action steps to implement.
When You’re Friend Zoned, It’s Your Fault
This is what I did when I realized my mistake. I decided to take responsibility and be better!
So essentially here’s what happened, after being friend zoned, I started listening to popular advice ten years ago, it was the stupid PUA community I told you about.
What actually works is the tactical action steps I give you, and proven social psychological biases that people often do every day.
That’s a side note, however, here’s the takeaway. I took responsibility for my social life.
So what does that mean for you?
It means don’t be afraid to take responsibility.
Because this is how you have power over your social life.
So now, let’s get in to the good shit…
Tip #1 – There is No Magic Line
I have to be honest with you man. There is no fucking magic line that will get you out of the friend zone.
So stop acting like the ‘instant’ solution is the answer.
This is why I don’t like traditional PUA advice. Being an Alpha Male isn’t something that happens over night.
If you are in the friend zone, to be very blunt with you, it’s because a lack of inner and outer game.
No magic line can give you strong inner game. It takes time and failing a lot to learn from it.
Even though I told you about books to check out, that doesn’t mean your game is going to explode over night.
That also doesn’t mean you are going to get good super fast.
Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid of rejection either. That leads me to my next point.
Tip #2 – Be Unapologetically Authentic
What does it mean to be authentic? It means that you don’t filter yourself.
This was one of the biggest a-ha moments getting in to this game taught me.
That is the more I filtered myself from expressing myself, the more I came across as disingenuous.
My friend, if you want to stay out of the friend zone, you must be willing to express yourself.
When you are unapologetic for who you are, you accept yourself completely.
You love yourself, because without loving yourself, you can’t expect a loving relationship.
Women want to see your authenticity, not the fake nice side.
I want to give credit to my friend Mark Sing, host of The Unapologetic Man Podcast.
I consider him like a brother. Give him some love and a five-star review on Spotify.
“When you deny your deep truth to please your woman, everyone will feel your lack of authenticity.”
Tip #3 – Show Preselection
This may be one of the most powerful ways to get out of the friend zone. Check out my article about it.
It’s basically how all women gauge a man’s value.
They want to know you have female friends.
The biggest takeaway I want you to take is you have to focus on abundance.
So many men get hung up on one woman.
Often this is what get’s you in to the friend zone! It’s because you act like she’s the only one for you!
When you pull away from the woman you’re hung up on, that’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
Tip #4 – False Disqualifiers
“I can’t believe you’re a nurse…” Playfully say this.
Follow it up with, “I don’t get a long with nurses, they scare me.” XD
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore because you have brown eyes.”
“You’re not a social media stalker are you?” She says, “no, I’m not.”
“Psssh, that sucks.” She says “Why?”
“Because I only get along with people that stalk my social media.”
Tip #5 – Utilize Touch More Often
I want you to start touching women, but seriously…
Don’t do this if she is clearly not invested in the interaction with you.
It’s important that you screen for her attraction signs.
I’ll list a few. Smiling at you, dilated pupils, she get’s close to you and she’s looking at your lips.
You want her to be interested and ready to be touched. That leads me to my next point…
Tip #6 – Touch Her When She’s Laughing
This is going to get you out of the friend zone very fast!
Why? Because, women like it when you’re willing to touch them.
I want you to work on being unafraid to touch her and do it when she’s laughing.
When you touch them on the shoulder for example, she will see that you aren’t afraid to touch her.
Because what do nice guys do? They get uncomfortable touching women, and then this is what nice guys sub-communicate.
I AM NOT ENOUGH
Do you see why the nice guy finishes last? They are too much in their head. Uneasiness is not good.
They second guess themselves, and they think touching women is weird.
I want you to be comfortable touching women, but do it on the high points!
Tip #7 – Self Disqualifiers
Women like to test you. When they say something like, “What’s so great about you?”
I’ll say something like “I’m not that great, honestly. I fart when I sleep. I have this gigantic pile of laundry that I never wash. You don’t want to date me because I use Pheromone Soap, it stinks like a man.”
Why does this work? I will tell you why, it communicates you don’t care to impress her. This is out of a hot woman’s reality. They aren’t used to men using self-disqualifiers.
One of my other favorites is “Listen, you don’t want to date me, I’m homeless. I have no money. I got this cool leather jacket, but my brother bought it for me. I’m not that great.”
Self disqualifiers are you disqualifying yourself. And this makes her laugh. It communicates, “I don’t care to prove my worth to you, in fact, I’m willing to talk funny about myself because I know my worth.”
Tip #8 – High Note Takeaways
Nice guys NEVER do this! Are you kidding me? They linger and overstay their welcome which actually comes across as creepy!
What are high note takeaways?
Well it’s exactly what it sounds like, you build up her buying temperature, and then when she’s in her feminine emotions, you leave, fall off. POOF!! Like magic XD
You want to leave the interaction when she’s laughing.
That’s communications right there my friend. Charisma is leaving people better than when you met them.
Leaving women feeling good is what female psychology is all about.
She will remember you my handsome friend.
“I love the Bond soap, it turns me on, keep wearing it.” -Emily
Tip #9 – IDGAF
The less fucks you give, the better off you’ll be. I don’t want you to give a single fuck.
If a woman friend zones you before you friend zone her, I have a great suggestion for you.
Tell her this “I don’t give a fuck.” Like really, tell her you don’t fucking care.
Two things will happen, one, she’s going to notice that you’re not like the rest of the beta-males that take everything personally.
Secondly, she’s going to see you as a man that stay’s on his inner balance point.
And that my friend, is very attractive. So even if she friend zones you, act like you don’t give a fuck.
I know this is about staying out of the friend zone, but my friend, you’re bound to be called a ‘Friend’ by a woman at one point in your life.
And this will make her question what she just did.
Tip #10 – Develop a Masculine Mindset
A masculine mindset is when you are going towards your goals, and nothing stops you from achieving them, not even a stunningly, beautiful woman stops you for going for your goals.
I really want you to let this sink in…
Women are a side benefit of you becoming the best man you can be.
Women must come secondary and your goals must be number one, not her.
This is the biggest learning lesson in all of your communications with women.
And it’s how all Alpha Males think. It’s their default mindset.
I’m not just saying that because this section is the title of the blog.
I’m saying that because the majority of all beta-males that are friend zoned is because they often give in to what is called The Halo Effect (it’s a cognitive bias in social psychology.)
What is The Halo Effect? You assign positive qualities and traits to physically attractive people.* (Perera, Ayesh. Why The Halo Effect Affects How We Perceive Others)
Look around you man, when you see a beautiful woman, you are bound to give her a lot of credit.
That is The Halo Effect in Motion. Now that you know about it, you can take responsibility to stop doing it.
Tip #11 – Be Disagreeable
Don’t be afraid to be disagreeable with a woman. It’s attractive.
Let me tell you something my friend (and this took me a long time to learn this too) feminine energy is largely agreeable.
That means you have to be willing to be disagreeable.
Have no negative energy when you disagree with her. When you’re reactive, that’s when it’s too much.
When you’re nonreactive, and you can disagree with no negative energy, it’s highly masculine.
Tip #12 – Set Boundaries
I’ve set boundaries with women so much I lost count. One situation comes to mind…
I told one of my previous partners “I really find it unattractive when you wear sweatpants, can you put some effort in to how you look?”
I know this seems like it’s a dick move, but holy shit, dude, this got her qualifying very fast!
She argued at first, I told her, “How would you respond if I dressed like a homeless person and started complaining about x,y,z?”
Then she realized that she can’t argue with that. When you set boundaries, it shows your masculine, you’re assertive and you are honest.
Don’t have negative energy. Stay on your inner balance point.
Tip #13 – Don’t Do Her Favors Right Away
I want you to REALLY fucking listen on this tip because I see this mistake every time I go out on Fridays.
Here’s what I see, women walking up to guys and asking “Hey can you hand me that straw please?”
Then they comply to their request “oh sure thing, here you go.”
Now you’ve lost all attraction with her!
BRO, YOU ARE A MASCULINE MAN, AREN’T YOU?
If you do this, then my dude, hate to call you out, but you’re being a pushover and gullible.
First lesson I learned years ago, do not, I repeat, DO NOT comply to what she asks of you to do.
Any favor, it doesn’t matter what it is, women ask ALL KINDS of favors at bars to see if they can get away with it and guess what?
Here’s what happens if you do the favor, she will ask you more favors and FRIEND ZONE YOU!
Tip #14 – Never Change Your Mind To Please Women
I will personally tell you that when you start trying impress her, you look fucking stupid.
How do I know this? I mean bro, I told you in the beginning, I learned this through bad experiences at ages 16 through 20.
Thank god I was able to overcome this because nowadays, I look around at bars and I see myself in these guys that make this terrible mistake.
I feel for you my dude, I send you compassion, you want to be a good dude.
But here’s what this looks like…
To a woman, it looks like you want her approval.
You’ve been taught by an early age that to please a woman, you compliment her.
NEVER COMPLIMENT HOT WOMEN.
They hear it day in and day out, this is why you should never give them compliments.
Now here’s what I say when a woman challenges me and says “what’s so great about you Adam?”
“When I sneeze, I fart really loud. Actually I have to take a massive dump, I’ll be right back.”
This is self-deprecating humor and there’s more on this later 😉
Tip #15 – Flip The Frame When She Tests You
Here’s are examples of a test, “What makes you such a good guy?” “What is great about you beyond your good looks?”
I recommend you say this…
“I’m not a good guy, I’m trouble, but the real question is what’s great about you?”
Another great way to flip the frame and be funny…
“What’s really cool is I can sleep for ten full hours, IT’S FUCKING EPIC, but honestly, what’s good about you beyond your looks?”
Do you see how this works? You’re throwing the ball back in her court.
And what I love about this is you can come up with your own funny responses but you MUST flip the frame.
Tip #16 – Use Self Deprecating Humor
Self-deprecating humor is very powerful because it communicates you believe you are enough and you don’t care for her approval and that you’ve accepted yourself so much that you’re willing to make fun of yourself.
You have to make sure it comes from a place of you feel like you are enough.
I’ll give you an example, I often get a haircut with bald sides and hair on top.
I’ll tell Andrea (the hairstylist) “I appreciate this haircut, it makes me feel so much more aerodynamic that I’ll be able to run fast out to my car when I leave here so I can stay away from you.”
Another way to use self-deprecating humor is to tell women why you shouldn’t date her and use self-deprecating humor which is very powerful!
“You wouldn’t want to date me, because I literally put on no deodorant, just pheromone soap, and I have such a small dick that having sex with me wouldn’t work.”
When you tell women “don’t date me” and then follow it up with a reason why, holy shit dude, she’s bound to see you as NOT A FRIEND.
Tip #17 – Have a Strong Frame
This will be the biggest and most important tip I can give you to stay out of the friend zone. Why?
Because having a strong frame requires you to be unafraid to speak your truth and also push women away.
What I mean by push is the example from above, I told Andrea that when I leave, I can stay far away from you.
That is verbal push. And I want to add a caveat, don’t have negative energy when you push them away.
Pushing women away is very powerful. Don’t be afraid to be polarizing in this day and age.
Tip #18 – If She’s On Her Phone, Call Her Out
So this is something that I’ve done when I met women on online dating..
And I said this to a lot and I mean (A LOT) of women…
“Hey I notice that you’re on your phone, and we’re out right now, we want to get to know each other right?”
She says, “well yeah.”
“Wouldn’t you agree that we should both put our cell phones away? I mean honestly, my phone’s been blowing up too, and I haven’t checked it because I’m trying to get to know you. So wouldn’t you agree that it’s only respectful that we value each others time and not waste it by looking at our phones?”
Don’t be afraid to do this. Nice guys don’t speak up. Alpha males aren’t afraid to speak up.
Tip #19 – Never Supplicate, Instead Follow Your Own Lead
Women want to know that you will not supplicate to them. In fact, they hate when men do this.
Stop acting needy because they are repulsed by a man that cannot trust his own judgement.
I want you to follow your own lead. I know you’ve heard me say this before, but it’s that damn important to be repeated. Men that don’t follow their own lead often supplicate.
Why do they supplicate? Because your cup is not half full, it’s half empty.
You’re reliant on others people’s opinion of you. I strongly recommend you read my book.
In Become The Alpha Women Want, I give you tasks to complete that makes you more internally validated.
Unlike most eBooks, there are actionable tasks that you can implement starting today.
Tip #20 – Have Healthy Self-Trust
I want you to start focusing on yourself. Why? Because the majority of all beta-males that supplicate don’t.
They don’t trust themselves to follow through on their own goals.
And because of that, they fail with women because they trust women’s judgement over themselves.
They always give them the benefit of the doubt and it’s sad. Cut out this bullshit.
You are number fucking one, not her!
I’m not saying to not trust women, simply take in to account what they say, but then make your own decision based on YOUR VALUES.
I’ll say this again, never change your mind to please a woman, it will land you in the friend zone.
Often you’ll find that having healthy self-trust makes you look non-needy because you trust your own direction.
Beta-orbiters often lack healthy self-trust and they creep women out with their neediness, lack of direction, and decisiveness.
Tip #21 – Your Purpose Must Come Before Her
I really want to insinuate the seriousness of your missions, destiny, and ambitions.
Putting women in the middle of them will literally make you lose sight of your goals.
The next time you notice that you are putting women in the way of your purpose, it always ends in the worst way possible.
The single most attractive trait in all superior men that are in the top 3 percent in the world is ambition.
Women want to know they are not number one. So be independent and have missions to achieve.
Buy a schedule book and write down your goals.
I swear to fucking god that this will make you more attractive and out of the friend zone.
I hope that this guide has helped you in some way and if it has, please leave me a comment. I’m here to help you legends out and stay out of the friend zone.
The more important thing is I want you to lean in to your courage zone. No growth happens in your comfort zone. You have to lean just beyond your edge* -David Deida
So do yourself the world’s greatest favor and apply these tips in your social life, and you will see just how attractive to women you will become.
They will start texting you like crazy, and you’ll have more women than what you can handle. If you have any questions, ask me down below.